FIRST LOVE (Fifth of a Six-part Series)

After that fateful day, I realized I had to make a painful choice between helping a soul or hurting my family and potentially risking a bright future. Though already aware of the possible consequences of my decision, I calmly approached E. and explained to him that although I would no longer see him, I would continue to watch him from a distance, and pray for his well-being. Misty-eyed and painfully broken, E. promised me he would work hard to “deserve” my love, and would one day make me proud of him. I vividly remember my parting words to him….”Reform not for me, or anybody else, but because you owe it to yourself. Loving you will come easy when you have learned to love yourself.” I turned away from him with silent tears, fearful of what he might become, and deeply disturbed for having to leave him when he needed me most. I consoled myself with the thought that I had given up being his crutch so he would learn how to walk.

Busy with my review, I lost track of E., although occasionally, I would receive (bad) news about him. At this point, I was convinced I made the right decision in letting him go. There were times when he would call and request that we meet, but I consciously declined each invitation, not wanting to give him false hopes. My last encounter with him was when he begged that we meet for the “last” time, just to hand me a token (which turned out to be a letter and a red rose). I obliged for friendship and old time’s sake, more than anything else.

Years went by, I had passed the board, and landed a job. I was busy building a career and had my own world. Five years after our last encounter, one morning on my way to the office, E. saw me and instinctively approached where I stood (waiting for a jeepney ride). Seemingly excited, he asked how I was and how I have been the past years. Feeling awkward and fidgety, I answered him sparingly, afraid that he would bring up the past, and subsequently, our “relationship”. Sensing I was uncomfortable, he told me he was already a working student, taking up an engineering course, and working as a clerk in a popular store chain. He was in fact on his way to his work, when he saw me and decided to accompany me to the office, and just report late. I was hesitant to let him, and only changed my mind when he told me he already had a girlfriend, an auditor in the store where he worked.

I loosened up, and in the forty-minute trip to the office, we caught up with the goings on in our respective lives. He showed me the picture of his new girl, Nanette, and told me how she helped him move on with his life. I felt a slight twitch in my heart, but was genuinely happy for E., knowing he was in good hands. He told me he would ask his girlfriend to get in touch with me, just so I would know the kind of lady he has “fallen in love” with. I just smiled.

I had forgotten about that chance encounter when I received a call from Nanette. She seemed a well-bred lady, soft spoken and amiable. She called to tell me how glad E. was to see me again, and that E. still thinks and talks about me, even when they were already a couple. She even said E. decided to go back to school and find work to be “worthy of me”. Being a woman myself, I could just imagine how painful it could be for this lady to accept E.’s musings. Reassuringly, I told Nanette she has nothing to worry about because that chapter of my life has been closed, and that I was truly happy that E. had finally found his true love. Or so I thought…….

(To be continued….)